Dismantling the patriarchy with my menopot?

10/03/2025

Dismantling the patriarchy with my menopot?

Here I am, nearing the 5 year anniversary of launching Veloqi.

My business is still not earning enough money for me to be financially independent. This is a hard and frustrating truth for me to admit.

There are complex layers of reasons for my business not being 'successful'. They are all just my thoughts. I've said many times thoughts are just opinions, not FACTS, and yet, still, I allow my thoughts to influence my decisions, keep me hiding from perceived judgement and playing small in my business. Here are the highlights of this exhausting list of thoughts:

  • You're not good enough
  • If you can't create perfection, then it's not worthy of showing the world
  • It's immoral to earn a living from your altruistic passion to make the world a better place
  • You're business isn't successful unless profits are over £XXXXXX
  • You're a 50+ year old woman, with an FTP under 150w. You're not skinny, with a media team following you cycling all around the world. No one will take you seriously as a coach

It's a mess right? Yiiikes

For the 'not good enough' and perfectionism shizzle, I've just done 8 months of weekly therapy working through this. There was 35 years of trauma to sort through. I'm in such a better space now. More self accepting, a little more comfortable being my authentic self in the company of others. I asked for a magic pill, but apparently there isn't one. I just gotta keep doing the werk.

Business blocks

My ADHD brain loves the challenges and opportunities for creativity that come with running a business. I currently do everything myself, create the automations, websites, programs, branding. There's a clear disharmony with this and my dislike of the damage capitalism has caused. I have to remind myself it's not actually capitalism, but people. Just like Money. There's nothing inherently evil with exchanging goods and services for money. It's PEOPLE! People cause the damage. And they do that regardless of social and financial constructs.

Urgh

I have a note above my computer screen that says 'If your business didn't exist, then this space wouldn't exist'. This helps me navigate my conflicting beliefs. 

I struggle with the ridged structure, limits and formalities that comes with employment, but thrive when I can be creative and driven by things I'm passionate about. Running a business combining my love of cycling, my sport science nerdiness, ADHD creativity and my calling to repair some of the damage done by social injustices. leverages my strengths. It's the best mode through which I can contribute something positive in the short time I'm taking up space in this universe. One of my mantras to rewrite the BS beliefs is: It's OK for me to earn a living by serving people that are under served. If I didn't, then this space would not exist. 

I have to repeat this to myself every single day.

And what is this definition of a successful business anyway? I'm here to make people's lives better. At least that's what I'm trying to do. That's what drives me. Surely my metric for success should be how many people I can impact, not my bank balance, right?  I would do this work for free (I'm still working towards my goal of empowering 10,000 people by 2035, by the way.) The reality is, bills have got to be paid 😝

Who do I think I am?

In 2015 this was me

This is me now, 2025 (on the left)

I hate that I'm so self conscious about my new body shape and the extra 20kg I've put on since entering the perimenopause. I want to embody the 'all bodies on bikes' motto, and yet have to fight to accept myself as I am now. My menopause 'journey' has been a total shit show so far. Not just the weight gain, but the dwindled motivation (bye bye testosterone), the constant injuries and health complications that disrupt my training, all compounding the continuous loss of muscle. I feel heavy, weak, and definitely NOT the image of a successful sports performance coach! It means that I'm reluctant to show up on social media, or to in person events, preferring private online video calls, where I can hide in the safety of my own home. This is not great for business! The feelings of imposter syndrome are strong 😫

I work hard to absorb the positive feedback I get from my wonderful clients, past and present. I'm learning to recognise and lean into the experience and credibility I've earned over the years. What I look like, and what my FTP is now, do not affect my ability as a coach and mentor. A good athlete does not necessarily make a good coach anyway! Maybe 51 years as a woman of colour should be at the top of my list of qualifications 🤭 So much of my coaching methods are born from my life experiences, before I even got on a bike at the ripe old age of 39. For every one of my clients I want to create a space in which they can grow and feel safe.

So, where do I go from here? 

I'm going to put my big girl pants on, focus on why the hell I do this, and start showing up for YOU, with my menopot, crippling perfectionism and leopard print loving ADHD brain all in tow. If I'm not physically able to be an example of the training methods I use for my clients and programs, I can at least, perhaps, be an example of showing up as your authentic self, of being empowered by such an awesome community. For every woman, every person of colour, every member of the LGBTQ+ communities.

It's all hands on deck to bring down the white patriarchal supremacy, and I'm here to do my bit, in the best way I know how.